Life has been rather bland nowadays for me, or should I say I'm not making much effort or what to make it a much colourful one? Staying home on weekends is definitely a good way of saving money, energy and resting, with 2 soccer games of Liverpool to watch these 2 days made me even rooted to home, and not forgetting my Xbox360 as well. Been hooked to it lately, I'm not sure whether it's a good or bad thing, but at least it's some kind of entertainment I can get for myself by not heading out.

I've been thinking lately, what's exactly happening to my life, which really changed me.. I felt that the old me is no longer around, my usual lifestyle's gone, my usual smiles is gone, I'm not smiling as much as compared to the past, everything seems to be changed for me.. I'm not sure whether the others felt it, but at least I noticed the change in me. Is it only me, or what? Am I not making enough effort, or what? I really don't have an answer to that.

I can only say this is not a very very good year for me. Yes.. There are good things happening this year for me, happy events which makes me smile upon thinking back. but the unpleasant stuffs far surpass the happy events. I hope for a better year, which I think is quite impossible, but at least it's a good start for me, waving goodbye to year 2008 and welcoming year 2009 with open arms. =D

Every first step that I take seems to be futile..
Am I trying too much, or it's fated?

Back for an update since my blog is rather dead. I failed my BTT today, I'm sure it's a rather close results, but I still failed. Not gonna talk much about it, gonna try again harder for the next test.

And some random thoughts just came into my mind recently, or shall I say they are not random? As they really sets me thinking and pondering upon. Every night when I'm online, I can see contacts online in msn, I have 200 over contacts in my msn, but those who truly chat with me are really little. I can say I chat with less than 10-20 contacts in my msn list. Sounds pathetic isn't it? As I don't even know some of the contacts in the list.

The people whom I can chat with heart to heart is really limited, I can say not much people understands me, know me or even bother to double click on my nick to start a conv, UNLESS it is something important and they needed assistance or help from me.

As I had read Justin's blog earlier on last week on his post about friends, it really hit me hard on my thoughts and made me even sure that, Friendship is one hell of a thing that's hard to maintain, not only relationship with gf/bf. It's never enough just to meet once a week, sitting down together to chit chat or so. People may think.. It's okay, we met once a week to spend time with each other chatting, it's better than not meeting at all. But I can tell you that, you people might meet consistently for 1 or 2 months, but after that? You never knows.. When your friends get really busy due to work or school, the time spent will be gradually decreased, and you will really need lots and lots of effort to bring the friendship back together, but even if you do, it's never gonna be the same again.

You will start to feel the distance between you and your friends are getting further and further apart, not knowing what are they exactly thinking, and they might have a different opinion about you as well. Making new friends seems to be a very easy task, at work, school, events, activities etc. But how can it really be compared to the long period of friendship you had with your pri or sec sch friends? It's a whole new cycle where you need to start building the understanding and interest between each other.

How I wish that I'm still a 3 year old kiddo, making new friends when playing around at playground, running about playing catching and go sliding down the slide, going to neighbour's house to play with toys or even a PS3 or Xbox360. A kid will never have to worry about having to maintain their friendship with these friends as they all have a common interest in them, and that's to PLAY. They have no worries, no burdens, no problems in their lives at all. But when you grow up, problems tends to come knocking on your door, you start worrying about your future, your family, and not forgetting your friends. And I understand these burdens, problems and worries will somehow affect the time we spend with our friends during our free time as we need to dig out time to solve these problems, or even to do our own stuffs.

I'm ending here since I don't know how to continue. Good bye and good night..